Fall's Summer (Remembering)

We talk frequently about present-moment awareness,

but today,

right here in this very moment,

on a uniquely-warm, late October day,

I push to remembering,

searching for every findable memory that matters.

I am the fall day,

bringing back t-shirts, sunscreen and boats gliding across the water.

Familiarity warms me from the outside in,

and I am indeed in.

glancing back to better understand how I exist in my current season of life.

I pull carefully,

observantly.

resisting urges to hold on too tight;

I land in a gentle tug towards recall.

I locate my previous ups and downs

within mile-filled silence & prudent-brimmed journals,

within the wine bottle I saved and initialed,

along the grass planted in the west side of the yard

and in the photo booth strip tacked to the fridge from the best trip ever.

I foot stride and page flip with minimal judgement

and that takes fucking effort.

I trace letters of the Chardonnay, with appreciation for my ex-husband.

I cut back grass, in preparation for winter, without regret for time unspent.

I grab the photo from the magnet, laughing at fact; we are all new & different now.

This, in practice, is health-giving recollection.

It is the kind of remembering that honors the rollercoaster of life's theme park.

In this work, we name moments as dots and learn how to connect them.

We witness how every single moment in the past has prepared us for the now,

We were meant to look back; presence depends & demands such.

I save memories for this reason.

I never want to forget.

With this consciousness,

I know

when fall throws hints of winter,

I will take nature's nudge

with zero resistance,

tilt my head slightly to the future

with no need for control, worry or fear.

I will remember that I have been here before

and that I survived.